The Darkness Before Dawn
by Darkmoon90
Summary: Luke Skywalker muses about his fall during the early hours of a Coruscant morning. LM of course! Post VOTF and Union and it's my first posted SW fanfic.


**Title:** The Darkness Before Dawn

**Author: ** Darkmoon90

**Disclaimer: **_Nothing here except the plot belongs to me. Characters, places etc. belong to the almighty George Lucas, Lord Timothy Zahn and numerous other Star Wars authors… sorry guys. No money is being made from this._

**Summary: **_Luke Skywalker muses about his fall during the early hours of a Coruscant morning. L/M of course! Post VOTF and Union._

**Author's Note: **_Edited again in August 2006, due to the scene breaks not showing up. . . this stupid system (hello FF.N operators) is _sofrustrating_- would put in an angry smilie here but they don't show up either now. Had to re-post a chapter of a fic 4 times to get the breaks to show up! Feedback still cherished on this fic though!_

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**The Darkness Before Dawn**

The moonlight shimmered resplendently across the ebony-blue sky, representing a calm that Luke Skywalker could not reach, even with the assistance of the Force. His emotions swirled as if they were individual grains of sand caught in a Tatooine sandstorm; vague glimmerings he could not quite bring into a sharper focus.

Suppressing a yawn, Luke lowered his ice-blue gaze to the balcony even as his eyes drifted towards the door that led to the bedroom and his wife. _No_, he berated himself, this was his problem; he wasn't going to burden Mara with emotional baggage he should have worked through years ago.

Luke sighed as he brushed a few stray strands of dark blond hair out of his eyes. The weight of all too many battles, too many defeats and too many losses rested heavily across his shoulders. He longed for sleep; peaceful, revitalising, dream-free sleep. But the dreams always came, haunting his rest. . . and during the cycles, nothing he did would stop them. Hugging his knees to his tunic-covered chest, Luke tried to reach a meditative state,but his lethargic mind allowed everything he had buried deep within himself to overwhelm his burdened mind.

Past successes were overshadowed by memories he consciously repressed but couldn't forget… despite his desperate longing to do just that. It sometimes seemed to him as if he was constantly running away from his fears, veiling them with the more positive aspects of his life. He had done so even in his childhood, concealing the bullying he endured behind his dreams of flying amongst the stars.

In his childhood, it seemed that the teasing that he endured in the Anchorhead schoolyard was endless. Taunts about his parentage and how his guardians would willingly give him up if they had the chance echoed in his mind, harmonising with cruel, mocking laughter. Yet Luke would never show the tears that the bullies so desperately wanted to see. His defiance only earned him numerous scratches and bruises in confrontations between Fixer and himself. All of this and all the instances of 'accidentally' shoving him into walls and even the occasional cupboard was seen as entertainment to the other students, not bullying. Or perhaps they did not want to risk retribution from Fixer and his gang. Only Biggs would dare defy Fixer to defend his best friend, sharing only with Luke his own secret status as an orphan.

Owen and Beru Lars were another constant in his childhood memories, his guardians,although they were not the parent-like figures for which the orphan had longed. Beru had been motherly and comforting, but in contrast, Owen's distrust of the gifted boy had been almost palpable in the Lars' homestead. An already tense atmosphere had become even more strained as he had entered his teens, and had pushed desperately at the invisible restraints that had kepthim bound to the farm.

His only friend on Tatooine, Biggs had continued watching over him protectively, acting like the big brother Luke had never had. Even in the shadow of the Death Star, Biggs had stood up for him, allowing a pivotal moment in the fight against the Empire to come to pass, although it had cost Biggs' life in the process.

Even today Luke struggled to accept the lost of his guardians and best friend, blaming himself for both. Although the guilt had eased after Han and Leia had both individually cornered him on Yavin 4after the Battle of Yavin, it still remained engraved into his soul even though the tears had long since dried. Even after Yavin he had still retained an attractive spark of innocence, but this had been crushed at Bespin.

_"No Luke, I am your father."_

He had heard those words so many times, endlessly tormenting him in the aftermath of Bespin, and quietly haunting him until the final confrontation between himself, his father and the Emperor aboard the second Death Star. Even the pain of losing his right hand was nothing compared to that of his father's words, each syllable embedding itself into his soul like a knife.

Yet after Endor, he seemed strangely serene to his friends and newly discovered sister but deep down he was confused about the Jedi, the newly established Republic and mostly himself. With nobody to guide him, he had tried to piece together what little information he had about the old Jedi Order, seemingly gaining grains of information whilst the rest slipped through his outstretched fingers. Leia's marriage to Han wasa pinpoint of light in his ever murkier life, and then the births of his niece Jaina and nephew Jacen.

But the moment that stood out most in those years was meeting Mara Jade for the first time, despite not really truly meeting the _real_ Mara until months, if not years later. Her murderous hatred of him would have caused even Jedi who had become one with the peace of the Force to blanch, but it was tempered with steel-like calculation. It had almost proved an almost fatal combination for him… Yet here they were just over ten years later, contentedly married and enjoying a period of peace that could not have been envisioned by even the most optimistic being a mere year ago. Despite this, one misadventure haunted him until this very day… reminding him why he had to be so careful when teaching the students at the Academy.

Byss.

What had started as acurious tug from the Force or perhaps his own wishful thinking had twisted and mutated into something dark, ugly and foreboding. The Dark Side had nearly claimed him there as its servant, slowly ensnaring him through the veils of his naïve hopes to finally kill the Emperor in his new reborn form. Instead, of destroying the Emperor, he had instead unconsciously served him and nearly destroyed himself.

After what seemed like an eternity, his soul was broken and bloody beneath Palpatine's will, and he could vividly remember the taste of power that the Dark Side offered, so tempting and rewarding as it surged through his veins, recognising a new source of life to drain. He could have proved himself as his father's son- Darth Vader's heir, not Anakin Skywalker's Jedi son. With little resistance, he had carried out atrocities that caused him to scream in the throes of nightmares, and throw up violently. Even though Leia had come after him and consequently saved him, the scars he bore remained, although they had physically vanished for the most part. Perhaps it was only justified that he should bear those marks until he became one with the Force. To remind him of the wrongs he had committed in his life as he blindly tried to find his path, _his destiny_.

But even heroes aren't supposed to fall;they aren't supposed to destroy the cause they have fought for, or murder innocent beings that they would have in the past willingly sacrificed themselves for. Guilt settled in his stomach like a block of durasteel as Luke felt tears prick his eyes.

Despite accepting his identity as the serene Jedi Master, Luke had not forgotten how to cry, and tears of despair slid down his cheeks as he tried to stifle and suppress his sobbing, so he did not wake his wife. After years of holding the pain and guilt within, his emotions cascaded from his eyes as his soul bled.

A tentative touch on his shoulder broke Luke from his musings. He whirled around, fear and adrenaline surging through his veins…

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Mara Jade Skywalker's verdant-green eyes fluttered open, appearing brighter than usual in the dim light as Mara recovered from her sleep-induced fogginess. Briefly wondering what had awoken her as she gazed at the chrono- _0300 hours _-the confusion abruptly vanished as she realised that her husband wasn't by her side.

Reflexively reaching for him tentatively through their bond, Mara's eyes narrowed as she felt depression smother her husband's normally bright presence.

"Oh Luke…" Mara sighed as she pulled a blanket around her bare arms and padded towards the sliding balcony doors. Her night-gown shifted lazily with her movements, catching the moonlight and causing it toglitter like the stars high above in the Coruscant sky.

Carefully easing the door open with as little noise as possible, Mara's eyes immediately spotted her husband curled up next to the bench, his slumped posture supporting what she had sensed through the Force.

Stepping briefly to her husband's side, Mara frowned as Luke remained seemingly unaware of her presence. She reached for him gently in the Force, placing her hand on his shoulder warily. She gasped when her husband whirled around, confusion and fear laced in his eyes. The confusion changed into recognition accompanied by… shame? Mara's worry deepened; why would Luke be ashamed of her finding him out on the balcony? Questions formed on her tongue but they were forgotten as Mara noticed the trails of clear liquid leaking out of Luke's glistening eyes.

The interrogation session would have to wait. Mara embraced her husband, comforting him instinctively even as she doubted her ability to do so. Such things were not part of her upbringing and training as the Emperor's Hand. Mara pushed her fears away deep within herself as she wrapped the blanket she had taken from their bed around Luke, cursing softly as her hand brushed against his cold skin. Luke mattered now, not her own self-doubts.

Silent seconds, then minutes passed as Mara held her husband. Suddenly Luke pulled away from her, and brushed his eyes viciously with the back of his hand. His ice-blue eyes flickered with more emotions than he could convey. Mara knew that something was hurting him; she had known so for days, but she had decided to give him some space to sort through it himself. As usual, her decision had simply caused more distress to her precious husband.

After Nirauan and that blasted Hand of Thrawn, she should have known how to handle Luke's tendency to keep everything to himself, or at least recognise the symptoms. Yet, in those caverns she had helped Luke through his debate over his usage of the Force. So theoretically, she should be able to help him through whatever was bothering him now, just as he reassured and comforted her during similarly sleepless nights. Mara knew she would never have her husband's talent for guiding people through such times, but she'd never been one to give up, especially not on a certain farmboy-turned-Rebel pilot-turned-Jedi.

"Luke?" Mara whispered, the first words she had spoken to him since coming out onto the balcony. "You can trust me, just as I trust you." She moved closer to him again, and silently thanked the Force when he didn't move away and let her embrace him again. She took his shaking hands in her own and caressed them affectionately. "Now, what's wrong?" she questioned, her tone leaving no room for evasions yet not forcing the issue out of the Jedi Master.

Luke's still glistening eyes met her own and the grief and self-doubt were almost palpable to Mara as she squeezed her husband's hand reassuringly. "It's nothing," Luke tired to evade. "It's just…"

"Just what, Skywalker?" Mara questioned, perfectly raising one eyebrow in a manner that betrayed her former job as a smuggler, despite her present status as a Jedi Knight. Before Luke had a chance to utter one syllable, Mara pressed a finger on his lips. "And don't tell me it's nothing Luke, it's obviously _something. _Please, let me in,_" _she finished, caressing his turbulent mind soothingly with the Force.

Luke groaned half-heartedly, as he forced himself to meet her gleaming, knowing green eyes and brushed his eyes once more. Mara smirked knowingly; such sweetness and pleading were deceptions, and Luke also knew all too well if he didn't open up she would threaten to bodily drag it out of him. "Okay… I'll tell you," he relented, much to Mara's quiet amusement.

"Good," Mara murmured, "now what's wrong?" Luke's gaze lowered as Mara felt him suppress his emotions, fighting valiantly to regain what little control that remained. "I won't persecute you Luke. . . I just want to help."

"I know," her husband whispered, another sole tear sliding down his cheek and even Mara's hardened heart almost broke. It was at moments like this that Mara wished she could just create a permanent emotional shield for her husband so that nothing could hurt him. Luke's nature was to care for anyone, no matter what they had done, and this perception and compassion had often hurt him deeply. But it was one of the reasons she loved Luke so much. "I was thinking about Byss," Luke murmured softly.

Mara's grip on her husband's hands tightened as her eyes searched his, seeking to comfort him in any way possible. After long discussions on Nirauan concerning_ it_, Mara knew that it was a subject best left untouched, if not to settle more guilt on Luke's shoulders that he didn't deserve.

"You sure you want to talk about it?" she whispered, caressing his mind softly with the Force and trying to remind him that she was always ready to support him, even if she didn't express it as openly as Luke did in his concern for her. After the admittedly harsh words she had fired at him on Nirauan with the ferocity of blaster shots, Mara felt that she should offer the compassionate reaction she had hidden previously.

Luke nodded, a brief spark of determination flashing in his eyes as he shifted his position so he was closer to her. "I was foolish at Byss; I thought that I could deceive the Emperor, yet in the end, _I_ was deceived and led foolishly on a string like a puppet. I did unspeakable things, Mara. I was worse than my father when he was Vader; at least he knew that he was serving the Dark Side. I may have been deceived but I could _taste_ the power on my lips, so bitter, yet so sweet. I'm guilty of my crimes and I'll never be able to put them right…" Luke lapsed into silence once more, his grip on his wife's hand increasing slightly.

Mara knew that Luke was rapidly loosing what little self-confidence and arrogance he had and she recognised the darkness that was looming over her husband like a dark cloud, eagerly waiting to claim him again. She had seen first hand whilst in the Emperor's service how damaging and draining the Dark Side was and she had no wish to see her husband in a state similar to Palpatine's in his final years. Instantly knowing that she had to snap him out of it, Mara turned towards Luke again, seeking his desolate gaze. "But you haven't turned again, have you?" Mara whispered softly. "And I know you never will. I told you on Nirauan, and I'll tell you again; you are not evil, Luke."

"Maybe I am," Luke murmured. "Perhaps nobody can judge another for who they are, only form opinions and views."

"But I _know_ you're not evil…" Mara returned almost fiercely. "Evil is applied to Palpatine and other monsters, but not to you."

"Why?" Luke whispered, as if everything rested on Mara's answer, almost as if it were pivotal to the survival of the galaxy.

"Because I love you," Mara whispered, kissing him briefly on his cheek. "I want you, Luke, every single good and bad fibre of you. I'm not innocent of committing any crimes, not by a long shot." At Luke's beginnings of a protest she effectively silenced him once again by placing a finger on his lips. "Yet you accept me, although I've done worse things than you ever have or will. Why can't you accept yourself? I know that you still beat yourself up about that jaunt you took out to Byss, but it's in the past." Her fingers moved to stroke his cheek and the faintly visible scars he still bore from the Wampa attack during his time on Hoth during the Rebellion. "Besides," she smiled, "I thought I got that drilled into you just over a year ago."

"Thought you did too," Luke murmured in reply, and Mara saw the smile that she couldn't see in his words. It was tentative, still somewhat unsure and shameful smile, but a genuine smile nevertheless. The Force shifted between the Skywalkers, as if satisfied that an obstacle had been overcome. Instinctively their faces were drawn together and their lips met in a soft, comforting kiss. Moments passed, inconsequential, yet worth more than the entire galaxy's wealth. Eventually the mutual need for oxygen forced them apart but they lay together in each other's arms, basking in the other's presence that they had longed for in sleepless nights before they had admitted their love and stopped fighting against their destiny.

The first fledgling rays of sunlight caressed their faces, lighting up the dominating skyscrapers of Coruscant and bathing the sky in warm golden tones. The darkness had passed, leaving hope and opportunities in its wake.

Content with her substitute pillow, Mara gazed up at her husband from her vantage point on his chest. Luke's eyes glowed with the same understanding, cerulean as always, as specks of golden sunlight danced in sea-like orbs. Like an actual sea, Mara had seen a raging torrent of grief and anger and the contrasting serenity that softened his features as it was now. She knew he often rose early to watch dawn break, a habit he had not lost since Tatooine, but just as Luke endured countless detours to dance floors, Mara would give him this moment.

The silence continued, this time peaceful and relaxing in contrast to the earlier unnerving absence of sound. Eventually Luke pulled his wife closer and whispered, "I'm sorry Mara… for earlier, for the past, for-"

"Shut it Skywalker," Mara hissed in a tone which instantly gave her satisfactory results from her husband. "You've more than atoned for any mistake you've ever made several times over. Just let it be, nobody wants to punish you so don't go looking for any punishments that don't exist… or I'll give you a punishment you'll never forget," she finished deviously, savouring the slight loss of composure evident on her husband's face.

"And what would that be Mistress Jade Skywalker?" Luke smirked, an expression which was entirely reminiscent of the ex-Rebel pilot.

He knew she was baiting him. _Damn him._

"Doyou really want to know, Skywalker…?" she whispered, tempting him away from the beautiful sight of dawn breaking. The beams of sunlight shone like a shattered mirror, each fragment dazzling and glowing in the still dark sky.

"Maybe," he replied as Mara shifted her position to begin to stand up. His eyes followed her, a slight breeze causing his dark blond hair to move with the lazy current.

"Follow me then…" Mara trailed off, allowing her husband's imagination to fill in the rest. She pulled him to his feet and kissed him again, savouring for the millionth time how special their relationship was. Pulling away gently, her tempting emerald eyes led her husband inside, leaving the intensifying sunlight to dissipate the last of the ebony clouds.

The night might have been over, but the day was just beginning…

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_Finis_


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